What's in a NAME

 

I have a big concern for what's going on with our children these days.  It's a subtle undermining of your parenting skills. It's name-calling.  You might think I'm talking about what happens at school on the playground, but I'm not, It's happening in your own home, and in public and you, the parents are the culprit!  It's not "sweetie, honey, little cutie" or any other term of endearment, it is labeling in a negative, derogatory way and it is hurting your child(ren).

When you state to your child they are "naughty," "so bad," "monsters," "a brat" you are NOT parenting.  You are bullying!  I've listened to this at the store, movie theatre, family functions, school functions; you name it.  These parents, who in a sweet tone announce that their child is "a brat" to the child and those around them.  There are the parents who comfort their kids and while the child is wrapped in their arms tell them they are "naughty."  I repeat this is NOT Parenting!

In doing this, there are four things you are doing.  1)You are giving your child something to live up to.  2)You are reinforcing the negative behavior that is the reason you called your child a name.   3) You are showing your other children how to get your attention. And 4) You are telling those around you that you have "GIVEN UP."

Problem #1  Living up to the label.  Parents have the most influence on their children, especially in the early years.  You set the stage for what they can become.  Repeating this name calling sets the stage for what they will try to live up to.  

Problem #2 To children ATTENTION is ATTENTION.  They don't see positive and negative attention until they are much older, and by then you have been reinforcing this negative behavior for years.  

Problem #3 If you are calling Tammy "Naughty" while hugging her and giving her your attention your other children see how to get attention.  Your child's mind draws the most obvious and logical conclusion.  "Tammy threw a rock at Jimmy, Tammy is getting snuggles and dad's attention, I'll do that to have dad snuggle me too!"

Problem #4 You are announcing to others loud and clear that you have no INTENT to help change  Tammy's behavior.  You are telling your child "naughty" is ok. 

 

SOLUTION: Stop!  You are capable of parenting, you LOVE your child(ren) and therefore are capable of learning some parenting tips and strategies to help you discipline your child(ren) with love and kindness.